Stone Knives and Bearskin

As promised in my first post, I’ve been hard at work trying to add Twitter tools and features to this blog. And I have, as you can see on the right.

But I’m not happy about it at all. It looks like the work of a hack! I mean, granted, it is. Still, even bloggers with lesser tech skills than myself have better-looking Twitter boxes. There are at least two major problems:

1. WordPress doesn’t support the Twitter badge. WTF? It’s simple code! Get with it, WordPress. Instead, WP gives me this clunky workaround where I can put an RSS widget on the blog for my Twitter feed. No flash, nothing. It’s like one step above a pencil. No wonder I keep reading that TypePad is better.
2. My Web host, bluehost.com, doesn’t support TypePad.

Here’s how I see my options. I can:

1. Try to “make do” with the stone knives and bearskin with which I’m currently working. Then I run the risk of becoming the laughingstock of the Twitterverse. Again.
2. Find more Twitter tools for WP and see how they work. I already have uncovered a good article by some WordPress developer in Georgia named JTk who lists his “favorite half dozen Twitter related WordPress plugins.” I’ll probably give those a try, though at first glance I don’t see an option for making the Twitter feed more attractive on the blog page. And really, that’s what I’m about — superficiality and good looks.
3. Bail on WP and try TypePad. But can I do that if my Web host doesn’t support it? You know, just associate my TypePad account with the bonedaddyking.com domain name (so “typepad” isn’t part of the URL)? I don’t know anything about this stuff. I’m not a designer, tech guru or magician. I’m just a court jester in my own kingdom, who might have to run out and buy a bunch of pencils.

Any constructive suggestions or input would be highly appreciated.

Update: Things have gotten worse! I saw another WordPress blog by PBCliberal (highly recommended) that has a much better-looking Twitter widget than my ugly RSS feed thing. Powered by Twitter Tools. So like the foolish optimist I am, I download and activate Twitter Tools, expecting the same modest magic. Instead, I get this message after clicking the “Test Login Info” button in Twitter Tools Options:

“Are you kidding with this lame shit? Do you think anyone cares about your pointless blog or your inane Twitter feed? Stop wasting your life!”

Oh, sorry, that was an email from my wife. Here’s the message from Twitter Tools:

“Sorry, login failed. Error message from Twitter: This method requires authentication.”

Idiots, I am authenticating it. I’m the fucking authenticator. The username and password are correct. Don’t do this to me or I’ll issue multiple empty threats.

So then I realized I still had my trusty fallback; you know, the one I pointed you to (“on the right”) at the beginning of this post, the RSS feed? Except suddenly it’s not so trusty:

“An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.”

The feed isn’t down, but my spirits are. Speaking of spirits, did you know that in the colonial era people used to begin their mornings with a stiff drink (usually rum) to get things kick-started? I’m just sayin’.

Update No. 2: I finally got my Twitter Tools login authentication to work. Yes, it was operator error. Shut up. But then bedlam ensued. All my tweets were showing up as blog posts, even after I seemingly disabled that option in Twitter Tools. I deactivated Twitter Tools for now and deleted the tweets from the blog. When I have a few moments to concentrate, I’ll try to work out the kinks.

I also got the RSS feed to show up on the right again (using the correct URL can work wonders, I’m learning). Which means the blog is back to the unsatisfying state that prompted this post. And yet I feel good about it. The soft bigotry of low expectations.

– Bonedaddy King