One day last year I listened to Rush Limbaugh for five minutes — my annual quota — ranting about government efforts to educate Americans on the benefits of switching to CFLs (compact fluorescent lamps) from regular light bulbs to save energy.

Listening to him that day I realized what he does purely is an act. No one possibly could be that genuinely worked up about a light bulb (except, of course, the millions Limbaughtomy cases hanging on Rush’s every cynical, sponsor-paid utterance). He was going on and on about how if the old light bulb “was good enough for Thomas Edison,” it should be good enough for us.

As I was listening to him I remember thinking that the right wing finally had scraped the bottom of the “feigned outrage” barrel. Turns out that barrel was even deeper than I thought:

Defending Cheerios, Cereal of Liberty

Disputes over food-label claims are always political. But the current, insane iteration of the American right has walked several steps past the crazy line with its collective reaction to the Food and Drug Administration’s demand that General Mills (GIS) tone down its health claims for Cheerios.

The FDA wants General Mills to reel back its claim that Cheerios can “lower your cholesterol 4 percent in 6 weeks.” Such a claim is not backed up by science, according to a letter sent to the company by the FDA. The agency says that General Mills is making claims for its cereal that more properly, and according to federal law, should apply only to drugs designed to cure disease. The claims amount to a “serious violation” of laws governing label claims, according to the letter.

That’s true, of course. But it hasn’t stopped critics from characterizing the situation as President Obama yet again attacking a venerable American institution. Never mind that Obama almost certainly had no idea that his FDA was planning to go after Cheerios.

“It’s fairly obvious to me why the Obama administration is going after Cheerios over possible deceptive advertising,” says the Deadenders blog. “Babies love them more then him.”

Oh, snap! Can Glenn Beck steal that joke for his comedy tour? It’d be a great closer!

“This is the kind of irritating, intrusive nonsense that makes people weary of their government and every smarmy bureaucratic microbe in it,” writes David Crocker of the Behind Blue Lines blog.

Indeed. Americans always have supported the right of corporations to mislead the public for financial gain. It’s one of the cherished tenets of capitalism, Republican-style. And those meddling, sanctimonious bureaucrats? They’re no better than subhuman microbes. With unjustly great benefits, like health care.

“So I guess now the Communist-in-Chief will declare a War on Cereal,” writes Ed Anger of the Weekly World News.

Not so fast, Ed. First we have to deploy troops for the War on Christmas. Then we’ll get to cereal.

I’m wondering what will happen when the wingnuts realize the “O” shape of Cheerios is just like the “O” in Obama! This simply cannot stand! Time to mobilize and pressure General Mills to change the shape of “liberty’s cereal.” Possible alternatives:

“R” for Rush

“F” for Freedom

“T” for Teabaggers

“2″ for 2nd Amendment

“L” for Losers

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