During the modern Dark Ages known as the Bush Era, I was highly disciplined about ignoring conservative nonsense in the media. It was, truthfully, a matter of preserving my sanity. I never watched television news or listened to right-wing talk radio, and I rarely visited online news and opinion sites such as The Drudge Report, Newsmax and WorldNet Daily.

I would, however, occasionally drop by that pioneering wingnut web forum, FreeRepublic. If you’re unfamiliar with FreeRepublic, you’re probably better off. It’s the kind of place where opposable thumbs confer bragging rights, a place where members with double-digit IQs are called “gifted” or “professor.”

The “Freepers,” as they call themselves, were in their glory during the height of the Iraq War, celebrating every bombing of an Iraqi school, wedding or hospital as a tremendous victory for America and freedom, gloating over the capture of Saddam in his pathetic spiderhole, masturbating over photos of the Chickenhawk-in-Chief strutting around the aircraft carrier deck with a codpiece shoved inside the crotch of his flight suit, demanding the execution of war dissenters for “treason.”

My, how the mighty dumb have fallen. As you can imagine, there’s little celebrating going on in Freeperville these days. Since November, triumphalism and smug ignorance have been supplanted by teabagging and angry incoherence. (Though there’s still plenty of masturbation, judging by recent headlines on the site such as “Sarah Palin Centerfold!” and “I Will Always Love Sarah Palin.”)

Perhaps the quintessential Freeper comment came late last month in a thread linked to a story on the Gross Domestic Product falling 6.1% in Q1. A Freeper who calls himself “TheThinker” posted this gem:

Funny, I never saw the GDP plummet under Bush.

TheThinker, you dumb shit, the GDP was down 6.3% in Q4; you know, the quarter right before this past one, when Bush still was in office. The GDP actually improved the first quarter of Obama’s presidency. Sadly, TheThinker is Albert Fucking Einstein compared to other Freepers.

But I digress. The point of this blog post is laughter and entertainment. In that spirit, I give you highlights of the Freeper thread linking to a story about the 2009 White House Correspondents’ Dinner. In the thread the Freepers are simply beside themselves with rage and frustration over the fact that President Obama not only is black, but is having great fun for the night. The display of infantile fury is impressive even by Freeper standards. It is a joy to behold.

I’ve culled some of the gems and organized them into categories to give you a flavor of the proceedings.  So prepare yourselves for a bracing dip into what I like to call “the Shallow End of the Gene Pool.”

FASHION AND APPEARANCE CRITIQUES

I don’t know who she is, but a lot of these women are very superficially pretty, but their very nasty commie lib attitudes have a detrimental effect on their looks. Specifically, they always look terribly constipated. — Armedanddangerous

I made up nothing here.

Her butt-ugly personal dresser needs to introduce her to a good undergarment fitter and get those boobs and a few other things in the right place if she is going to insist on wearing clothing at least a size too small. — Arizona Carolyn

Don’t worry, though. The Freepers aren’t all about looks and other superficialities. Check out the serious chops they display in:

OBAMA’S SPEECH

Everything about him sucks. He has no timing, no good will … — STARWISE

His delivery is so bad — pbear8

I’d say he should keep his day job, but that thought continues to sicken me. – anniegetyourgun

Listen to these damn media hyenas yukking it up. I don’t think I have enough liquor in the house tonight for this. — Dinah Lord

He has NO sense of humor at all. His sense of humor consists of mean, snide remarks that he thinks are funny. He is NOT a nice person. He’s mean and hateful. — mojitojoe

His arrogance knows no bounds. Pathetic jokes and those off colored remarks are certainly not appropriate for the teens in the audience. — StarFan

It’s painful to watch. I’m serious about not having enough liquor in the house. I really must go check. — Dinah Lord

I, for one, have no doubt that Dinah is serious, just as I have no doubt she does not have enough liquor in the house. Nor ever will.

WANDA SYKES

Could she be more boring? — CaptRon

What a NO TALENT !! — W-Girl

Disgusting obscene joke about Sarah Palin…..what a disgrace she is! – JulieRNR21

That was a dishonorable insult to her and her family and the B**** speaking deserves a fist across the jaw from Sarah. — digital-olive

She is an Ugly Witch! Her comment about Rush just then was disgusting! The RATS are disgusting! – True Republican Patriot

BEST part is she was kind of low brow for Prez Arugula and Lady Armpit. — PghBaldy

I’M NO RACIST, BUT…

By the way, with all this yukkin’ it up…Santa Barbara’s got a bit of a situation…who the bugger from this administration is handling it? Or are there not enough of my darker skinned brothers in peril for them to pay it mind? — Christian4Bush

wanda the lesbo…well way to be original and knock on dick cheney and rush limbaugh and then say the next white president will move the sojourner truth statue to the kitchen…that’s what happens when your career has jumped the shark and no one knows who your are…nor cares…this dinner was 5 stars…assuming each star represents massive amounts of fail…or racism towards white people… — wheresmycheckbarry?

It seems that the O’s know they are so low they can only elevate themselves by trashing their betters. — Carley

I wish Todd had gone up to the podium and given her a real dressing down. In another age she would have gotten a good caning. — tet68

Both of them are as talented and funny as a sheet of fabric softener. Both of them only have any semblance of careers because of their races – let’s be honest! — GOPsterinMA

…it ticks me off so much that this Wanda Sykes idiot was given a podium to say such vile things…all she shows is how uneducated she is…I bet she has some family members who got pregnant out of wedlock. — Sarah Barracuda

Really, what can you say about that last sentence?

JUST HATIN’

What an arrogant POS and his wife. — SoCalPol

Pres. Ears has that arrogant upturned nose facing the sky again! — kcvl

He is the ultimate in creepy. – Bahbah

I really wonder why any of you bothered watching these lowlife s-—birds all evening. Did you expect anything less than a bunch of scumbags spewing hatred directed at anyone who won’t worship at their feet? The fascist left can never be gracious either in victory or defeat. — Yankee

Yankee said graciously in defeat.

He is revolting. He is mentally ill. He is mean. He is an elitist egomaniac. He is not a nice person in any way shape or form. He is a bitter man. — mojitojoe

Note: This was just one small part of a huge rant that mojitojoe did. He loaded up for that one. I recommend the full version. It’s Comment #397. It’s almost a litany and reminds me a lot of Bob Dylan’s “A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall,” except there’s no music and the words are the deranged rantings of a right-wing maniac rather than the stark lyrical poetry of an immensely talented young singer-songwriter.

BEYOND THE FRINGE (OR ‘SAY WHAT?’)

Anyone seen Glenn Beck yet ? His Monday show should be hilarious. (But he absolutely cracks me up every day.) — STARWISE

I’d be at the People table and I would have earlier changed seating cards so that I was next to Brooke Shields. I think she and I would get along well. — jla

He broke a lot a stuff. Real funny. You knew the Palin deal was coming. You didn’t know how low it was going to be did you? Why don’t Democrats pay their fair share of taxes then? — Dinah Lord

By this time it appears Dinah had pretty much located and consumed any alcohol in her house.

Between Wanda’s disgusting comments and those of Obama, used properly the American Public will landslide the Republicans back in 2010 and 2012! Yah Hoo! — True Republican Patriot

just caught some b-roll cut away footage of it where I work….when she was slightly jabbing Obie he took a sip of his water and quietly said into his glass “Leave me aloneeee” UNBELIEVABLE..UNFREAKINBELIEVABLE…did anyone else catch this from the main feeds on the major networks…???? WOW — wheresmycheckbarry?

I fear for our Country. Keep pushing us mister O, the tea parties were just a start. – Bush Revolution

Ooooooh! And they’ll show us again on the Fourth of July!

Deer in head lights oh dang the National Anthem…

What is this deal hauling in the flag like it was at a game??

And than putting the flag away!

What were those other flags? — restornu

I think that one above was an attempt at haiku.

George Bush had more class in his small finger than Zero has in his whole body plus this White House correspondence dinner. — snugs

O thinks that by not attending Church the Lord won’t notice his evil ways. We’ll see, won’t we. — Carley

Just a small sample of the sober rationality that prevails 24/7 over at FreeRepublic. I will visit occasionally and keep you up-to-date on the cutting-edge thinking of the Patriotic Right. This is Bonedaddy King reporting from the Shallow End of the Gene Pool.