I’ve been reading a lot of blog posts and columns, such as this one in The Washington Monthly, in which the authors either complain about or make fun of the leading questions asked in Fox News polls.
With all due respect, Steve Benen and some of the other writers are way off the mark. The truth is, Fox News has been holding back. But now that Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter’s switch to the Democratic Party has the wingnutosphere in an apoplectic uproar, Fox News has decided to take off the Fair and Balanced gloves. After all, the future of the Republic is at stake!
I know this because I have in my possession a copy of Fox News’ next poll. Don’t ask how I obtained it. Let’s just say I was willing to introduce a few well-placed sources at Fox to “my good friend, George Washington.” Everyone has their price.
And while I easily could leverage this insider info for a guest appearance on The Daily Show, I’ve decided instead to share this directly — even intimately (though not in a teabagging way) — with my faithful readers.
FOX NEWS POLL FOR APRIL 29-30
1. In your opinion, who should hate Sen. Arlen Specter the most?
A. The good people of Pennsylvania, who have been betrayed.
B. The Republican Party, which has been betrayed.
C. The New England Patriots.
2. Why do you think President Obama wants to take your guns?
A. It’s part of his Socialist agenda.
B. As a non-American, he hates our freedoms.
C. Because he sucks at bowling.
3. Should efforts to save American lives via “enthusiastic truth-seeking techniques” used against obvious terrorists be subverted by grandstanding liberal politicians and sleazy trial lawyers?
4. My view of political events is most influenced by:
A. Fox News
B. Rush Limbaugh
C. CitizenQuasar
5. Who’s the biggest skank?
A. Nancy Pelosi
B. Janeane Garofalo
C. Any of the Dixie Chicks
6. Why do liberals want to kill babies?
A. They hate the innocent and unborn.
B. They hate God.
C. They hate supporting our economy by shopping for baby clothes.
7. Do you remember how Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards cheated on his cancer-stricken wife? We do.
8. The swine flu “epidemic” is:
A. Just an excuse to impose martial law.
B. Caused by immigrants and their supporters.
C. Another excuse for “old Europe” to snub us.
9. Media attacks on Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin are:
A. Attacks on all mothers.
B. Attacks on Down’s Syndrome children.
C. Work of the devil.
10. How “uppity” is President Obama?
A. Extremely uppity
B. Very uppity
C. Needs to “know his place”
