From the Orlando Sentinel:

Sneer care

A doctor who considers the national health-care overhaul to be bad medicine for the country posted a sign on his office door telling patients who voted for President Barack Obama to seek care “elsewhere.”

The sign reads: “If you voted for Obama … seek urologic care elsewhere. Changes to your healthcare begin right now, not in four years.”

“I’m not turning anybody away — that would be unethical,” Dr. Jack Cassell, 56, a Mount Dora urologist and a registered Republican opposed to the health plan, told the Orlando Sentinel on Thursday. “But if they read the sign and turn the other way, so be it.”

Give me a fucking break. Someone from the media called him on it and now he’s trying to split hairs. What Obama supporter in his right mind would read that sign and then walk through the door to let this arrogant, angry wingnut shove something up their dick?

Having said that, and knowing it’s not his specialty, I’d be perfectly comfortable letting Dr. Teabag treat me as a proctologist. After all, it takes an asshole to know one.

“We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush’s term,” she told Sean Hannity.

Whoa. Roll back the tape.

“We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush’s term,” she told Sean Hannity.

Perino made the comment during a conversation in which she suggested that by refusing to call the Fort Hood mass shootings a “terrorist attack,” President Obama may be playing politics.

“I hope they’re not looking at this politically. I do think that we owe it to the American people to call it what it is.”

Yes, because the political thing to do is not label the murders. The non-political thing to do is confer blame on all Muslims and then, I don’t know, maybe bomb Iran.

I would, however, occasionally drop by that pioneering wingnut web forum, FreeRepublic. If you’re unfamiliar with FreeRepublic, you’re probably better off. It’s the kind of place where opposable thumbs confer bragging rights, a place where members with double-digit IQs are called “gifted” or “professor.”

The “Freepers,” as they call themselves, were in their glory during the height of the Iraq War, celebrating every bombing of an Iraqi school, wedding or hospital as a tremendous victory for America and freedom, gloating over the capture of Saddam in his pathetic spiderhole, masturbating over photos of the Chickenhawk-in-Chief strutting around the aircraft carrier deck with a codpiece shoved inside the crotch of his flight suit, demanding the execution of war dissenters for “treason.”

My, how the mighty dumb have fallen. As you can imagine, there’s little celebrating going on in Freeperville these days. Since November, triumphalism and smug ignorance have been supplanted by teabagging and angry incoherence. (Though there’s still plenty of masturbation, judging by recent headlines on the site such as “Sarah Palin Centerfold!” and “I Will Always Love Sarah Palin.”)

Perhaps the quintessential Freeper comment came late last month in a thread linked to a story on the Gross Domestic Product falling 6.1% in Q1. A Freeper who calls himself “TheThinker” posted this gem:

Funny, I never saw the GDP plummet under Bush.

TheThinker, you dumb shit, the GDP was down 6.3% in Q4; you know, the quarter right before this past one, when Bush still was in office. The GDP actually improved the first quarter of Obama’s presidency. Sadly, TheThinker is Albert Fucking Einstein compared to other Freepers.

But I digress. The point of this blog post is laughter and entertainment. In that spirit, I give you highlights of the Freeper thread linking to a story about the 2009 White House Correspondents’ Dinner. In the thread the Freepers are simply beside themselves with rage and frustration over the fact that President Obama not only is black, but is having great fun for the night. The display of infantile fury is impressive even by Freeper standards. It is a joy to behold.

I’ve culled some of the gems and organized them into categories to give you a flavor of the proceedings.  So prepare yourselves for a bracing dip into what I like to call “the Shallow End of the Gene Pool.”

FASHION AND APPEARANCE CRITIQUES

I don’t know who she is, but a lot of these women are very superficially pretty, but their very nasty commie lib attitudes have a detrimental effect on their looks. Specifically, they always look terribly constipated. — Armedanddangerous

I made up nothing here.

Her butt-ugly personal dresser needs to introduce her to a good undergarment fitter and get those boobs and a few other things in the right place if she is going to insist on wearing clothing at least a size too small. — Arizona Carolyn

Don’t worry, though. The Freepers aren’t all about looks and other superficialities. Check out the serious chops they display in:

OBAMA’S SPEECH

Everything about him sucks. He has no timing, no good will … — STARWISE

His delivery is so bad — pbear8

I’d say he should keep his day job, but that thought continues to sicken me. – anniegetyourgun

Listen to these damn media hyenas yukking it up. I don’t think I have enough liquor in the house tonight for this. — Dinah Lord

He has NO sense of humor at all. His sense of humor consists of mean, snide remarks that he thinks are funny. He is NOT a nice person. He’s mean and hateful. — mojitojoe

His arrogance knows no bounds. Pathetic jokes and those off colored remarks are certainly not appropriate for the teens in the audience. — StarFan

It’s painful to watch. I’m serious about not having enough liquor in the house. I really must go check. — Dinah Lord

I, for one, have no doubt that Dinah is serious, just as I have no doubt she does not have enough liquor in the house. Nor ever will.

WANDA SYKES

Could she be more boring? — CaptRon

What a NO TALENT !! — W-Girl

Disgusting obscene joke about Sarah Palin…..what a disgrace she is! – JulieRNR21

That was a dishonorable insult to her and her family and the B**** speaking deserves a fist across the jaw from Sarah. — digital-olive

She is an Ugly Witch! Her comment about Rush just then was disgusting! The RATS are disgusting! – True Republican Patriot

BEST part is she was kind of low brow for Prez Arugula and Lady Armpit. — PghBaldy

I’M NO RACIST, BUT…

By the way, with all this yukkin’ it up…Santa Barbara’s got a bit of a situation…who the bugger from this administration is handling it? Or are there not enough of my darker skinned brothers in peril for them to pay it mind? — Christian4Bush

wanda the lesbo…well way to be original and knock on dick cheney and rush limbaugh and then say the next white president will move the sojourner truth statue to the kitchen…that’s what happens when your career has jumped the shark and no one knows who your are…nor cares…this dinner was 5 stars…assuming each star represents massive amounts of fail…or racism towards white people… — wheresmycheckbarry?

It seems that the O’s know they are so low they can only elevate themselves by trashing their betters. — Carley

I wish Todd had gone up to the podium and given her a real dressing down. In another age she would have gotten a good caning. — tet68

Both of them are as talented and funny as a sheet of fabric softener. Both of them only have any semblance of careers because of their races – let’s be honest! — GOPsterinMA

…it ticks me off so much that this Wanda Sykes idiot was given a podium to say such vile things…all she shows is how uneducated she is…I bet she has some family members who got pregnant out of wedlock. — Sarah Barracuda

Really, what can you say about that last sentence?

JUST HATIN’

What an arrogant POS and his wife. — SoCalPol

Pres. Ears has that arrogant upturned nose facing the sky again! — kcvl

He is the ultimate in creepy. – Bahbah

I really wonder why any of you bothered watching these lowlife s-—birds all evening. Did you expect anything less than a bunch of scumbags spewing hatred directed at anyone who won’t worship at their feet? The fascist left can never be gracious either in victory or defeat. — Yankee

Yankee said graciously in defeat.

He is revolting. He is mentally ill. He is mean. He is an elitist egomaniac. He is not a nice person in any way shape or form. He is a bitter man. — mojitojoe

Note: This was just one small part of a huge rant that mojitojoe did. He loaded up for that one. I recommend the full version. It’s Comment #397. It’s almost a litany and reminds me a lot of Bob Dylan’s “A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall,” except there’s no music and the words are the deranged rantings of a right-wing maniac rather than the stark lyrical poetry of an immensely talented young singer-songwriter.

BEYOND THE FRINGE (OR ‘SAY WHAT?’)

Anyone seen Glenn Beck yet ? His Monday show should be hilarious. (But he absolutely cracks me up every day.) — STARWISE

I’d be at the People table and I would have earlier changed seating cards so that I was next to Brooke Shields. I think she and I would get along well. — jla

He broke a lot a stuff. Real funny. You knew the Palin deal was coming. You didn’t know how low it was going to be did you? Why don’t Democrats pay their fair share of taxes then? — Dinah Lord

By this time it appears Dinah had pretty much located and consumed any alcohol in her house.

Between Wanda’s disgusting comments and those of Obama, used properly the American Public will landslide the Republicans back in 2010 and 2012! Yah Hoo! — True Republican Patriot

just caught some b-roll cut away footage of it where I work….when she was slightly jabbing Obie he took a sip of his water and quietly said into his glass “Leave me aloneeee” UNBELIEVABLE..UNFREAKINBELIEVABLE…did anyone else catch this from the main feeds on the major networks…???? WOW — wheresmycheckbarry?

I fear for our Country. Keep pushing us mister O, the tea parties were just a start. – Bush Revolution

Ooooooh! And they’ll show us again on the Fourth of July!

Deer in head lights oh dang the National Anthem…

What is this deal hauling in the flag like it was at a game??

And than putting the flag away!

What were those other flags? — restornu

I think that one above was an attempt at haiku.

George Bush had more class in his small finger than Zero has in his whole body plus this White House correspondence dinner. — snugs

O thinks that by not attending Church the Lord won’t notice his evil ways. We’ll see, won’t we. — Carley

Just a small sample of the sober rationality that prevails 24/7 over at FreeRepublic. I will visit occasionally and keep you up-to-date on the cutting-edge thinking of the Patriotic Right. This is Bonedaddy King reporting from the Shallow End of the Gene Pool.

“The hate crimes bill that’s called the Matthew Shepard Bill is named after a very unfortunate incident that happened where a young man was killed, but we know that that young man was killed in the commitment of a robbery.  It wasn’t because he was gay.  This – the bill was named for him, hate crimes bill was named for him, but it’s really a hoax that continues to be used as an excuse for passing these bills.”

The callousness of Foxx’s comment is so breathtaking, it’s hard to fathom. She calls this heinous act a “very unfortunate incident.” Here was a 21-year-old college student, all of 5′ 4″ tall and 100 pounds, pistol-whipped, tortured and tied to a ranch fence, where he was left for dead. (Shepard was found in a coma by a cyclist the next day and died in a hospital less than a week later.) To call it a robbery gone awry is to maliciously ignore reality. It was nothing less than the lynching of a gay man. Think about it: Wasn’t tying Matthew to a fence by the side of a road the equivalent of “stringing him up”?

I remember well when it happened, as I’m sure do many of you. It was one of those stories that left you numb, nauseous and depressed for days, unable to comprehend the capacity for cruelty and hate which exists in our world. I recall wondering what this poor young man’s last moments were like, whether he tried to reason with his tormentors, whether he begged for his life, whether he tried to fight back or escape against impossible odds, whether he thought about his mother or family before losing consciousness while bound to a fence as the thermometer dropped to the low 30s that night in Laramie. It’s the kind of grisly fate nobody deserves. I also wondered whether Russell Arthur Henderson and Aaron James McKinney were laughing it up during the course of their despicable deed, egging each other on and competing to outdo each other’s savagery, and whether they basked in the glow of their “accomplishment” as they drove off, riding their hate high and discussing to whom they could safely brag about their macho act of frontier “justice.”

And to have an elected official, a member of the U.S. Congress, trivialize this hate murder as a political stunt, a “hoax that continues to be used as an excuse for passing these bills”… well, that’s really the money quote, isn’t it?  Because Virginia Foxx wants to deny that acts of violence against the members of society she and her ilk historically view with revulsion and disdain — gays, lesbians, African-Americans and other minorities — are motivated by anything more than garden-variety greed and opportunism. Essentially, they want the rest of us to believe bigotry-based violence against homosexuals and minorities doesn’t exist, even as the history books are filled with countless examples going back to the early days of our country.

But it’s more than that. The real fear of the hate-crime deniers is that hate-crime legislation somehow will 1) infringe on their right to continue fomenting hate through speech, and 2) make them at least indirectly responsible for hate crime. I couldn’t express it any better than what I came across recently in A Good Choice…, a bizarre and disturbing blog whose tagline reads, “America is in the midst of a raging cultural and spiritual war. Forces of Good, Light, Conservatism and a Judeo-Christian Worldview daily battle the forces of Evil, Darkness, Socialism and False Religions and Philosophies. A Good Choice is on the frontlines exposing evil across America’s political and social spectrum.” Here’s what these Godly Christians say about hate-crime legislation:

So-called “hate crimes” and “anti-discrimination” laws would have ultimate two-fold effect of elevating homosexuality to not only a protected status, but also setting in motion the silencing of true Christians’ free expression of absolute Biblical truth in regard to the basic immorality of homosexuality, as well as other sexual perversions. This silencing of all opposition is also part of the homosexual agenda.

So you can see it’s very important for gay-hating Christian extremists and their loyal legislators to oppose hate-crime legislation, or even the very notion of hate crimes. Otherwise the rights of people like the unhinged Rev. Fred Phelps to pickets funerals with signs such as “Matthew Shepard rots in Hell” and “God Hates Fags” would be endangered. And what kind of sick, perverted country would we be if one of His humble servants were prohibited from doing the Lord’s work?

Virginia Foxx’s presence as a national representative is an affront to decency. The effort to shame her out of office is being led by David Badash, creator of the blog The New Civil Rights Movement. David is a gay rights activist, an intelligent, articulate and impassioned writer whose uncompromising commitment to social justice is inspiring and humbling. I’m proud to call myself one of his followers on Twitter and fully support the FireFoxx movement.

Sadly, though, even if Foxx is successfully forced from office, it’s unlikely her replacement will be any better. The 5th Congressional district of North Carolina, bordering Tennessee and Virginia, is one of the most conservative in this blood-red state. Since the 1994 election, it has been represented by Richard Burr, now a U.S. senator, and Foxx, both extreme right-wingers. Among other things, Burr is pro-death penalty and supports a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

Foxx, in addition to her adamant opposition to hate-crime legislation, was one of only 11 members of Congress in 2005 to vote against aid to victims of Hurricane Katrina. Maybe she thought the pictures of thousands of homeless African-Americans huddled in the Superdome and on the street were a hoax. She also voted in 2006 against extending the Voting Rights Act.

Foxx easily has won reelection twice since taking office in 2004, so it’s clear the majority of voters in N.C.’s 5th District like their politicians a certain way. Hopefully the unwanted attention generated by Foxx’s foolish and vile comments will cause enough of them to rethink their beliefs. It’d be a nice way for some good to come out of what so far has been a sorry display of intolerance and insensitivity.

With all due respect, Steve Benen and some of the other writers are way off the mark. The truth is, Fox News has been holding back. But now that Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter’s switch to the Democratic Party has the wingnutosphere in an apoplectic uproar, Fox News has decided to take off the Fair and Balanced gloves. After all, the future of the Republic is at stake!

I know this because I have in my possession a copy of Fox News’ next poll. Don’t ask how I obtained it. Let’s just say I was willing to introduce a few well-placed sources at Fox to “my good friend, George Washington.” Everyone has their price.

And while I easily could leverage this insider info for a guest appearance on The Daily Show, I’ve decided instead to share this directly — even intimately (though not in a teabagging way) — with my faithful readers.

FOX NEWS POLL FOR APRIL 29-30

1. In your opinion, who should hate Sen. Arlen Specter the most?

A. The good people of Pennsylvania, who have been betrayed.

B. The Republican Party, which has been betrayed.

C. The New England Patriots.

2. Why do you think President Obama wants to take your guns?

A. It’s part of his Socialist agenda.

B. As a non-American, he hates our freedoms.

C. Because he sucks at bowling.

3. Should efforts to save American lives via “enthusiastic truth-seeking techniques” used against obvious terrorists be subverted by grandstanding liberal politicians and sleazy trial lawyers?

4. My view of political events is most influenced by:

A. Fox News

B. Rush Limbaugh

C. CitizenQuasar

5. Who’s the biggest skank?

A. Nancy Pelosi

B. Janeane Garofalo

C. Any of the Dixie Chicks

6. Why do liberals want to kill babies?

A. They hate the innocent and unborn.

B. They hate God.

C. They hate supporting our economy by shopping for baby clothes.

7. Do you remember how Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards cheated on his cancer-stricken wife? We do.

8. The swine flu “epidemic” is:

A. Just an excuse to impose martial law.

B. Caused by immigrants and their supporters.

C. Another excuse for “old Europe” to snub us.

9. Media attacks on Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin are:

A. Attacks on all mothers.

B. Attacks on Down’s Syndrome children.

C. Work of the devil.

10. How “uppity” is President Obama?

A. Extremely uppity

B. Very uppity

C. Needs to “know his place”

A conservative faction of the Republican National Committee is urging the GOP to take a harder line against both Democrats and wayward Republicans, drafting a resolution to rename the opposition the “Democrat Socialist Party” and moving to rebuke the three Republican senators who supported the stimulus package.

Rebuke? How lame. Why not waterboard the traitors?

In an e-mail sent Wednesday to the 168 voting members of the committee, RNC member James Bopp, Jr. accused President Obama of wanting “to restructure American society along socialist ideals.”

“The proposed resolution acknowledges that and calls upon the Democrats to be truthful and honest with the American people by renaming themselves the Democrat Socialist Party,” wrote Bopp, the Republican committeeman from Indiana. “Just as President Reagan’s identification of the Soviet Union as the ‘evil empire’ galvanized opposition to communism, we hope that the accurate depiction of the Democrats as a Socialist Party will galvanize opposition to their march to socialism.”

The resolution, proposed by a committeeman from Washington state, was agreed upon by 16 RNC members from 16 different states and is part of a petition asking RNC Chairman Michael Steele to set a special committee meeting next month when the state chairs meet in Washington, D.C.

Well, two can play at this party-naming game. And if the goal is truth in advertising, I’d say it’s high time Republicans were rebranded to better align their party’s nomenclature with reality.

So I’m proposing a resolution to rename the GOP. I’ve come up with a number of ideas to get the ball rolling. Just add the word “Party” to the items on the list below to see which might make the best fit, or make your own suggestions in the comments section:

Republicon

Teabag and Torture

Crybaby Conservative

Angry White Guy

Fearless Chickenhawk

Limbaughtomy

Reagan Asslicker

Remember, this is all in the spirit of modern bipartisanship.

Things haven’t been going so well lately for Congressman Kickass. Here’s the latest, from the Albany Times-Union:

Former U.S. Rep. John Sweeney was arrested early Sunday and charged with driving while intoxicated for the second time in 17 months.

At 3:30 a.m., Sweeney, 53, was stopped for speeding on Route 9 in Clifton Park, State Police said. He refused sobriety tests and was charged with felony DWI, police said.

I’m betting the police report will include a “Don’t you know who I am?” quote.

Saratoga County District Attorney James Murphy said Sweeney will automatically lose his license for a year because he refused the breath and blood alcohol tests.

Sweeney, who lost his bid for re-election in the 20th Congressional District to Kirsten Gillibrand in 2006, pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor drunken-driving offense in November 2007. He lost his license for about three months in that incident and paid a $1,000 fine. The Clifton Park Republican also was required to take classes and attend a victim impact session.

Guess he wasn’t paying much attention in those classes. Probably plotting his glorious political comeback or planning a riot at an elderly home.

In that case, according to court papers, Sweeney told troopers he had consumed four glasses of wine at the Envy Lounge on Pearl Street and asked them if they knew who he was.

I knew it! It’s a staple in these situations. Congressman Drunkass, you don’t disappoint.

He was pulled over after he almost sideswiped a trooper’s vehicle on the Northway. Law enforcement officials said he had a woman on his lap when he was pulled over.

The woman, by the way, was a 24-year-old whose age apparently exceeded her IQ. Can you imagine being impressed by that fat, shit-faced slob? Hon, my advice is that you should turn tricks to support a crack habit. Trust me, it’d be a step up.

Sweeney, a former STOP-DWI coordinator in Rensselaer County, has made headlines a number of times in recent years after brushes with the law. In addition to his DWI arrests, in September it was revealed that federal investigators are exploring Sweeney’s dealings with an Albany lobbying firm after the four-term congressman was appointed to the House Appropriations Committee in 2001.

Early Sunday, Sweeney was taken to Saratoga County jail and released on bail a short time later.

Dude, that’s just a few miles from me! Next time you’re in the neighborhood, give me a shout-out, bro! Oh, that’s right, you only got to make one call.

I’m a little disappointed in the Times-Union story in that it only hints at Sweeney’s long list of political and personal accomplishments. Here’s some more from his Wikipedia profile, the only web page I’ve ever visited that would fail a field sobriety test:

Sweeney opposed gun control. He voted for prayer in public schools on numerous occasions, and the National Education Association gives him only an 18% approval rating.^[3]

Sweeney strongly supported escalations to the “War on Drugs“. He sponsored legislations that would create mandatory drug testing for all federal employees, and legislations that would ban all research pertaining to legalization of drugs. [5]

WTF! I’ve never heard of anyone suggesting doing something as asinine as this. I wonder how he feels about banning research into the danger of alcohol.

He consistently voted to use federal agents to arrest, prosecute, and imprison medical marijuana patients in states where voters or legislators have extended protections to patients.^[5]

See, all those potheads need is some tough love. And self-discipline.

According to EMILY’s List, Sweeney has taken more campaign contributions from special interests than any other of New York’s 29 Representatives.^[8]

Sweeney was also the seventh largest recipient of contributions from lobbyists out of all 435 House representatives in the 2006 election cycle. [6]

In January 2001, Sweeney traveled with Tony C. Rudy, an associate of convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff, to give a speech to the Saipan Chamber of Commerce in the Commonwealth of North Marianas Islands, home of numerous garment sweatshops. It is currently being investigated whether Sweeney violated congressional ethics by not revealing who paid for his trip.^[13] In September 2008, the F.B.I. used a search warrant hunting for leads in the ongoing investigation.^[14]

On April 11, 2003, Sweeney began paying a company called Creative Consulting for fund-raising. The company had been founded a day earlier by Gaia (goes by the name Gayle) Ford. Between April 2003 and December 2003, Sweeney’s campaign paid $42,570 to the firm. Sweeney proposed to Ford in September 2003^[15] and married her in 2004.

On April 22, 2006, Sweeney appeared at a registered party at the Alpha Delta Phi fraternity of Union College. Witnesses reported that, after leaving a bar, he appeared to be intoxicated.^[25] Photographs and videos captured some of the events.^[26] Sweeney denied being drunk and denied drinking at the party.

Dudes, put away the bongs!

On October 31, 2006, the Albany Times Union reported that it had obtained a document stating that “[t]he wife of U.S. Rep. John Sweeney called police last December to complain her husband was ‘knocking her around’ during a late-night argument at the couple’s home.” The responding officers filed a domestic incident report. The report states that Sweeney grabbed his wife “by the neck” and pushed her around the house.^[28]

On November 2, 2006, the Albany Times Union reported that on October 31, John and Gaia Sweeney said they would give the New York State Police permission to release a report about the incident. They said that the report was inaccurate but have not disputed its contents.^[29] On November 17, 2006, the Times Union reported that there were two versions of the domestic violence report that had been prepared by the state police, one that was sent to them, doctored and lacking details, and the original report.^[30]

On July 22, 2007, the Albany Times Union reported that Gaia Sweeney, who was contesting a divorce action by her husband, said that he was often verbally abusive and at times physically abused her during their marriage. She also said that a statement she made on the eve of last fall’s election, denying marital abuse, was “coerced.” Sweeney denied that he had been abusive; he had recently obtained a judicial order of protection against his wife.^[31]

Shades of O.J.’s “I’m a battered husband” defense. Beyond shameful.

On December 27, 2007, Sweeney had yet another brush with the law, this time for refusing to pay a taxi cab fare of US$ 80, which is a misdemeanor in New York State. His attorney claimed that Sweeney thought a friend had paid the fare. No charges were filed, because Sweeney’s grown son paid the fare by check later that evening.^[35]

I’m sure he’s just so proud of his dad, Congressman Felonyass.

Of course, the 20th congressional district seat that Sweeney so befouled during this tenure was the subject of last Tuesday’s special election, the results of which are still up in the air.