While conceivably it could be that “God is able to do anything” (assuming there is a God, of course), I’m not sure this achievement would rank with his greatest hits…

From the Associated Press (via Huffington Post):

CAIRO — A farmer in northern Egypt says his cow has given birth to a two-headed calf that he calls a “divine miracle.”

Sobhy el-Ganzoury said the veterinarian informed him that the calf, which was born this week, is now in stable condition and is expected to survive. He said he intends to keep the animal as a reminder that “God is able to do anything.”

Of course, “able to do” and “should do” can be two different things. Just sayin’.

(More Religion)

Like the Comedy/Tragedy Theater Masks, But With Disturbed People

The Rigorous Science of Sin

“The hate crimes bill that’s called the Matthew Shepard Bill is named after a very unfortunate incident that happened where a young man was killed, but we know that that young man was killed in the commitment of a robbery.  It wasn’t because he was gay.  This – the bill was named for him, hate crimes bill was named for him, but it’s really a hoax that continues to be used as an excuse for passing these bills.”

The callousness of Foxx’s comment is so breathtaking, it’s hard to fathom. She calls this heinous act a “very unfortunate incident.” Here was a 21-year-old college student, all of 5′ 4″ tall and 100 pounds, pistol-whipped, tortured and tied to a ranch fence, where he was left for dead. (Shepard was found in a coma by a cyclist the next day and died in a hospital less than a week later.) To call it a robbery gone awry is to maliciously ignore reality. It was nothing less than the lynching of a gay man. Think about it: Wasn’t tying Matthew to a fence by the side of a road the equivalent of “stringing him up”?

I remember well when it happened, as I’m sure do many of you. It was one of those stories that left you numb, nauseous and depressed for days, unable to comprehend the capacity for cruelty and hate which exists in our world. I recall wondering what this poor young man’s last moments were like, whether he tried to reason with his tormentors, whether he begged for his life, whether he tried to fight back or escape against impossible odds, whether he thought about his mother or family before losing consciousness while bound to a fence as the thermometer dropped to the low 30s that night in Laramie. It’s the kind of grisly fate nobody deserves. I also wondered whether Russell Arthur Henderson and Aaron James McKinney were laughing it up during the course of their despicable deed, egging each other on and competing to outdo each other’s savagery, and whether they basked in the glow of their “accomplishment” as they drove off, riding their hate high and discussing to whom they could safely brag about their macho act of frontier “justice.”

And to have an elected official, a member of the U.S. Congress, trivialize this hate murder as a political stunt, a “hoax that continues to be used as an excuse for passing these bills”… well, that’s really the money quote, isn’t it?  Because Virginia Foxx wants to deny that acts of violence against the members of society she and her ilk historically view with revulsion and disdain — gays, lesbians, African-Americans and other minorities — are motivated by anything more than garden-variety greed and opportunism. Essentially, they want the rest of us to believe bigotry-based violence against homosexuals and minorities doesn’t exist, even as the history books are filled with countless examples going back to the early days of our country.

But it’s more than that. The real fear of the hate-crime deniers is that hate-crime legislation somehow will 1) infringe on their right to continue fomenting hate through speech, and 2) make them at least indirectly responsible for hate crime. I couldn’t express it any better than what I came across recently in A Good Choice…, a bizarre and disturbing blog whose tagline reads, “America is in the midst of a raging cultural and spiritual war. Forces of Good, Light, Conservatism and a Judeo-Christian Worldview daily battle the forces of Evil, Darkness, Socialism and False Religions and Philosophies. A Good Choice is on the frontlines exposing evil across America’s political and social spectrum.” Here’s what these Godly Christians say about hate-crime legislation:

So-called “hate crimes” and “anti-discrimination” laws would have ultimate two-fold effect of elevating homosexuality to not only a protected status, but also setting in motion the silencing of true Christians’ free expression of absolute Biblical truth in regard to the basic immorality of homosexuality, as well as other sexual perversions. This silencing of all opposition is also part of the homosexual agenda.

So you can see it’s very important for gay-hating Christian extremists and their loyal legislators to oppose hate-crime legislation, or even the very notion of hate crimes. Otherwise the rights of people like the unhinged Rev. Fred Phelps to pickets funerals with signs such as “Matthew Shepard rots in Hell” and “God Hates Fags” would be endangered. And what kind of sick, perverted country would we be if one of His humble servants were prohibited from doing the Lord’s work?

Virginia Foxx’s presence as a national representative is an affront to decency. The effort to shame her out of office is being led by David Badash, creator of the blog The New Civil Rights Movement. David is a gay rights activist, an intelligent, articulate and impassioned writer whose uncompromising commitment to social justice is inspiring and humbling. I’m proud to call myself one of his followers on Twitter and fully support the FireFoxx movement.

Sadly, though, even if Foxx is successfully forced from office, it’s unlikely her replacement will be any better. The 5th Congressional district of North Carolina, bordering Tennessee and Virginia, is one of the most conservative in this blood-red state. Since the 1994 election, it has been represented by Richard Burr, now a U.S. senator, and Foxx, both extreme right-wingers. Among other things, Burr is pro-death penalty and supports a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

Foxx, in addition to her adamant opposition to hate-crime legislation, was one of only 11 members of Congress in 2005 to vote against aid to victims of Hurricane Katrina. Maybe she thought the pictures of thousands of homeless African-Americans huddled in the Superdome and on the street were a hoax. She also voted in 2006 against extending the Voting Rights Act.

Foxx easily has won reelection twice since taking office in 2004, so it’s clear the majority of voters in N.C.’s 5th District like their politicians a certain way. Hopefully the unwanted attention generated by Foxx’s foolish and vile comments will cause enough of them to rethink their beliefs. It’d be a nice way for some good to come out of what so far has been a sorry display of intolerance and insensitivity.

With all due respect, Steve Benen and some of the other writers are way off the mark. The truth is, Fox News has been holding back. But now that Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter’s switch to the Democratic Party has the wingnutosphere in an apoplectic uproar, Fox News has decided to take off the Fair and Balanced gloves. After all, the future of the Republic is at stake!

I know this because I have in my possession a copy of Fox News’ next poll. Don’t ask how I obtained it. Let’s just say I was willing to introduce a few well-placed sources at Fox to “my good friend, George Washington.” Everyone has their price.

And while I easily could leverage this insider info for a guest appearance on The Daily Show, I’ve decided instead to share this directly — even intimately (though not in a teabagging way) — with my faithful readers.

FOX NEWS POLL FOR APRIL 29-30

1. In your opinion, who should hate Sen. Arlen Specter the most?

A. The good people of Pennsylvania, who have been betrayed.

B. The Republican Party, which has been betrayed.

C. The New England Patriots.

2. Why do you think President Obama wants to take your guns?

A. It’s part of his Socialist agenda.

B. As a non-American, he hates our freedoms.

C. Because he sucks at bowling.

3. Should efforts to save American lives via “enthusiastic truth-seeking techniques” used against obvious terrorists be subverted by grandstanding liberal politicians and sleazy trial lawyers?

4. My view of political events is most influenced by:

A. Fox News

B. Rush Limbaugh

C. CitizenQuasar

5. Who’s the biggest skank?

A. Nancy Pelosi

B. Janeane Garofalo

C. Any of the Dixie Chicks

6. Why do liberals want to kill babies?

A. They hate the innocent and unborn.

B. They hate God.

C. They hate supporting our economy by shopping for baby clothes.

7. Do you remember how Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards cheated on his cancer-stricken wife? We do.

8. The swine flu “epidemic” is:

A. Just an excuse to impose martial law.

B. Caused by immigrants and their supporters.

C. Another excuse for “old Europe” to snub us.

9. Media attacks on Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin are:

A. Attacks on all mothers.

B. Attacks on Down’s Syndrome children.

C. Work of the devil.

10. How “uppity” is President Obama?

A. Extremely uppity

B. Very uppity

C. Needs to “know his place”

For example, I always thought only men were guilty of “sloth.” Yet it turns out that women can be slothful too! Which initially may seem more confusing, but if you break them into categories — “slothful” and “slothful with tits” — it sorts itself out.

According to the Vatican survey, “pride” was the most common sin for women, while “lust” was the top sin of men.

Sounds a little dubious, I know, but as the BBC confirms, the methodology here is bulletproof:

The report was based on a study of confessions carried out by Fr Roberto Busa, a 95-year-old Jesuit scholar.

As anybody who has ever kneeled in a confession booth knows, the power of God compels you to make up a bunch of vague shit just so you can get out of there itemize your every sin for the priest, who then will absolve you in His name. So the data is as solid as the church’s argument in favor of abstinence.

The Vatican study said the most difficult sins for men to face are (in order): lust, gluttony, sloth, anger, pride, envy and greed. For women it is pride, envy, anger, shoe hoarding, lust and sloth.

If all of this seems rather “Old Testament” to you, fear not:

The Apostolic Penitentiary, one of the Vatican’s most secretive departments, which fixes the punishments and indulgences handed down to sinners, last year updated its list of deadly sins to include more modern ones.

These included: genetic modification, experiments on the person, environmental pollution, taking or selling illegal drugs, social injustice, causing poverty, and financial greed.

Hmm. They’re getting mighty specific in the secret departments of the Vatican these days, which is an irony in itself. Still, one must keep up with the times, as the Catholic Church always has done! Having been awhile since I’ve stepped into a confession booth, maybe I need to do a “soul accounting” for these modern sins:

• Genetic modification: I once wanted to beat an abusive former boss so badly that I’d “change his DNA.” So if intent counts…
• Experiments on the person: Is the “Dirty Sanchez” an experiment or merely an abomination?
• Environmental pollution: Not sure. A carbon footprint/sin chart would be helpful here. Just ballparking, I might sneak into the purgatory category.
• Taking or selling illegal drugs: I’d like to talk to an ordained lawyer, please.
• Social injustice: Never voted for a Republican, so I’m in the clear on this one.
• Causing poverty: See answer for “social injustice.”
• Financial greed: I’d say I wish my 401K would get back above water, but I don’t want to get struck by a thunderbolt or anything.

I guess the bottom line, as always with the Catholic Church, is that we’re all sinners. See you in hell.