Having lost my job last November and facing other losses if something good doesn’t happen soon, I’ve been looking for ways to ease my stress level. About five weeks ago I went to the emergency room with chest pains. The good news is my heart and lungs appear to be fine. The bad news is I still feel a lot of stress and my blood pressure is borderline — it runs anywhere from 140/90 to 130/85 or so.

While on vacation last week (paid for by my in-laws, which, trust me, defines “Faustian bargain”), I took a Tai Chi class. It was great, and it reminded me of the benefits of meditation.

I had taken a meditation class back in the ’80s and loved it. The class was held in an old church in Lexington, Mass. I remember two specific things:

1) We had to take off our shoes and put then in a coatroom adjacent to the room where we were meditating. After the first class I discovered that some unenlightened fuck had stolen money from my wallet, which I had placed in one shoe. Later I learned the other shoe had been molested by a priest.

2) After the second class, a young woman there was really hitting on me hard, which, being a relative rarity in my life, was both flattering and not quite believable. It was like I almost had to assure her I wasn’t the Dalai Lama. I didn’t take advantage of the situation because I’m a fool I had a girlfriend at the time.

I meditated on my own for a few weeks after the class ended, but sadly allowed the practice to fade from my life as I got caught up in the kinds of things that elevate one’s blood pressure to borderline levels. Plus, having an incredibly restless mind — in other words, the perfect candidate to benefit from meditation — I found it nearly impossible to sit still on my own and focus. My mistake and my loss.

Fast forward to yesterday. Over the weekend I had discovered a holistic health center in Saratoga Springs, N.Y., that offers free meditation classes twice a month at the local library. Perfect! An opportunity to get back on the path to inner peace and ease the incredible tension I feel.

Naturally I was running a little late for the 12:30 p.m. starting time and found my stress level rising as I fought midday downtown traffic. I got to the library right at 12:29, but couldn’t find a parking space — except for the very last one! A cosmic sign! I grabbed the blue sofa pillow I had brought to sit on, ran in and asked where the meditation class was being held.

Directed downstairs, I hustled to the room just in time. But there was nobody there. Maybe I was in the wrong room, I thought. No, it says right here, “Mindful Mediation — 12:30 p.m.” (Yes, it said “mediation,” not “meditation.”)

I waited for about 10 minutes, figuring professional meditators might have a looser concept of time than I do. But in the end, there was no meditation. I was crushed; at this point I would have settled for the mediation.

A woman in the library told me the same thing had happened two weeks ago. The holistic center had reserved the room, and then no one showed up.

I left, downcast but determined to return again, and comforted by the knowledge that, at least this time, no one stole my money. Just a little of my spirit.

Many Americans assume the new health care reform act will benefit mostly the poor and uninsured and hurt everyone else, according to polls. As Matt Yglesias wrote, “Basically, people see this as a bill that will take resources from people who have health insurance and give it to people who don’t have health insurance.” Those who still oppose the reform say that people ought to pay for their own health care.

We all believe in the virtues of hard work and self-reliance, but these days it’s a fantasy to think that anyone but the mega-wealthy will not, sooner or later, depend on help from others to pay medical bills. And that’s true no matter how hard you work, how much you love America, or how diligently you take care of yourself. The cost of medical care has so skyrocketed that breaking an arm or leg could cost as much as a new car. And if you get cancer or heart disease — which can happen even to people who live healthy lifestyles — forget about it. The disease will not only clean you out; it will leave a whopping debt for your survivors to pay.

And the truth is, we all pay for other peoples’ health care whether we know it or not. When people can’t pay their medical bills, the cost of their health care gets added to everyone else’s bills and insurance premiums. When poor people use emergency rooms as a doctor of last resort, their care is not “free.” You pay for it.

Another common fantasy about medical care is that the “free market” provides incentives for medical companies to develop innovative new drugs and treatments for disease without government subsidy. It’s true that private enterprise is very good at developing profitable health care products. But not all medical care can be made profitable.

For years, the U.S. government has been funding medical research that the big private companies don’t want to do because there is too much cost for the potential profit. This is especially true for diseases that are rare and expensive to treat. An example of a recent advance made possible by government grants include new guidelines for malignant pleural mesothelioma treatment developed by MD Anderson Cancer Center researchers. Another is a blood screening test developed by mesothelioma doctors like thoracic surgeon Dr. David Sugarbaker. The health reform act provides for more dollars for such research, from which even many of the tea party protesters will benefit.

The biggest fantasy of all was that people who had insurance didn’t have to worry about health care costs. But the fact is that in recent years millions of Americans have been bankrupted by medical costs, and three-quarters of the medically bankrupt had health insurance. And yes, insurance companies even dumped hard-working, law-abiding patriots. But the health care reform act will put an end to that, and now America’s hard-working, law-abiding patriots are more financially secure, whether they like it or not.

(More Politics)

EPA: Day of Prayer Fails to Halt Gulf Spill

5 Other Jobs That Are Just Like Being President of the United States

Dr. Teabag Pisses on the Hippocratic Oath

"I got some for you too"

Believe it or not, we may not have seen Mel Gibson’s career prospects hit bottom yet, despite the release of a secretly recorded audio tape in which the perpetually apoplectic actor threatens to kill Russian girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva. (Details and the actual recording at RadarOnline.)

Already under investigation for domestic violence, Gibson now has a deserved reputation as an anti-Semitic, racist, sexist, drunken, violent asshole, with sparkly blue eyes. His problem, of course, is that his repellent behavior and incoherent rampages are documented by both Oksana’s tapes and police reports. Could this Hollywood meltdown possibly get any worse?

Of course it could! Here are five ways Mel Gibson’s reputation in Hollywood and throughout the world could plummet even more.

5. Confesses to killing Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, then setting up O.J.

4. Starts dating Dakota Fanning

3. Launches necrophilia website — Gibson’s Ghoulish Delights

2. During one-hour live special broadcast on ESPN, announces he’s signing with the Taliban

1. The Passion of the Christ, Part II

(More Celebrities)

Charlie Murphy’s Most Disturbing ‘True Hollywood Stories’

Early Memories of Dave Chappelle

‘Hey, Where’s Dirty Ol’ Bitch?’

(More Humor)

EPA: Day of Prayer Fails to Halt Gulf Spill

5 Other Jobs That Are Just Like Being President of the United States

General McChrystal’s Top 10 Excuses for Dissing Obama Team in Rolling Stone

If the Gettysburg Address Were Run Through Cursebird

While conceivably it could be that “God is able to do anything” (assuming there is a God, of course), I’m not sure this achievement would rank with his greatest hits…

From the Associated Press (via Huffington Post):

CAIRO — A farmer in northern Egypt says his cow has given birth to a two-headed calf that he calls a “divine miracle.”

Sobhy el-Ganzoury said the veterinarian informed him that the calf, which was born this week, is now in stable condition and is expected to survive. He said he intends to keep the animal as a reminder that “God is able to do anything.”

Of course, “able to do” and “should do” can be two different things. Just sayin’.

(More Religion)

Like the Comedy/Tragedy Theater Masks, But With Disturbed People

The Rigorous Science of Sin

From cbs13.com in Sacramento:

Michaela Brummund is a young widow going through the most difficult time in her life, burying her husband Lance Corporal Gavin Brummund, a marine killed in action.

Michaela has decided to move back to Copperopolis in Calaveras County to be closer to family.  But her Verizon cell phone does not have service in the small town.  But the cell phone company is not showing any compassion for the war time widow.

“I called them to cancel.  I told them the situation with my husband.  I even said I would provide a death certificate,” Michaela said.  Despite the circumstances, Verizon is imposing a $350 early termination fee. …

The family says a Verizon customer service representative told them that “nothing could be done” about the termination fee.

Nothing at all could be done. It never can. Because that’s Verizon’s policy. There are no exemptions for war widows. If there were, it’d say so right in the policy: “Verizon’s Early Termination Fee Policy exempts war widows”.

Besides, if Verizon makes an exception in this case, pretty soon every war widow who wants to move closer to her family to start her shattered life over, in one of the many vast areas across the country where Verizon doesn’t have coverage, will want the company  to waive its early termination fee. And that just wouldn’t be fair to the stockholders.

Thanks to CBS13′s report exposing Verizon’s callousness (kudos to the station), the cell phone company waived Michaela’s cancellation fee and issued a weaselly, dishonest statement:

“Verizon Wireless has long supported our troops and worked with members of the armed services with flexibility. Once we understood this Marine’s widow’s circumstances, we quickly resolved the situation. We regret any undue frustration we may have caused the Brummunds. Our thoughts and prayers are with Mrs. Brummund and her family.”

Translation: Even though the Marine’s widow told us what happened and offered to show us her slain husband’s death certificate, we’re pretending we just found out about that. Only the reporting by the news media of our unconscionable, loathsome decision has pressured us into waiving the $350 fee that literally is meaningless to our business’s success.

(More Fighting the Power)

VIDEO: Louisiana Mom Kindra Arnesen Speaks Truth to BP Power (and Oily Lies)

Girl, 12, to Sue NYC for Excessive Force in Unwarranted Arrest for Doodling on School Desk

Bank of America Employee Fired for Helping Customers Being Gouged By BofA Policies Tells Her Side

In calling for a Day of Prayer, the GOP governors and national party leaders had hoped to pre-empt a rumored attempt by President Obama to subject God to a “Chicago-style shakedown,” which, if successful, would have given the Democrats momentum heading into fall’s midterm elections.

Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour disputed claims that the Day of Prayer had failed, arguing that as a federal agency, the EPA was under the control of Obama, the known anti-Christ, and thus could not be trusted to report objective data.

Barbour said an environmental team from The 700 Club will soon file its own report from the Gulf.

(More Humor and Politics)

5 Other Jobs That Are Just Like Being President of the United States

General McChrystal’s Top Ten Excuses for Dissing Obama Team in Rolling Stone

If the Gettysburg Address Were Run Through Cursebird

Here’s a young mother of two children who lives in Venice, La., speaking at the Gulf Emergency Summit on June 19, videotaped by PBS News Hour.

Arnesen apparently was handpicked by BP officials to be one of the Gulf residents to whom they could hand-feed their corporate propaganda, so she was invited “behind the enemy lines,” as she puts it, given a security clearance and allowed to witness BP operations strategy meetings, take tours of the affected areas via helicopters and boats and generally swallow a bunch of bullshit.

Unfortunately for BP, Arnesen is “not at all impressed.” Watch her deliver an inside report from the belly of the BP beast…

www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3bzypjTIWg

(More Fighting the Power)

Girl, 12, to Sue NYC for Excessive Force in Unwarranted Arrest for Doodling on School Desk

Bank of America Employee Fired for Helping Customers Being Gouged By BofA Policies Tells Her Side

On Wednesday’s Fox and Friends show, host Gretchen Carlson, discussing whether President Obama should fire General Stanley McChrystal for his negative comments in Rolling Stone about the White House team, likened her job to that of the president:

“This is what being President of the United States is all about. It’s these tough, huge, monumental decisions. It’s not about how you run a campaign, it’s not about whether or not you’re popular, it’s not about whether you’re a celebrity or good-looking or tall or short. It’s in a time of crisis, making these executive decisions. It’s just like our job…what’s the role of an anchor during huge breaking news? You remember growing up? You’d tune to the television, and that one moment during the year, they would have to carry a story all along, It’s the same thing as being the President of the United States!”

While it’s easy to mock Carlson (which I did on Today in Stupid), upon further reflection I totally see her point. She’s on the firing line every day, and not just during a crisis. Each time Carlson walks into the Fox studio, she faces monumental decisions. What dress to wear, what kind of eyeliner, which Tea Party talking points to push. It’s endless pressure!

But it’s not just Carlson. When you think about it, many other jobs in this country are just as hard as the president’s and require the same cool-headed decision-making. Here’s a small sample:

Job: Rodeo clown

Sample Executive Decisions: Happy or sad face? Joy buzzer or squirting lapel flower?

Job: Stand-up comic

Sample Executive Decisions: Two drinks or three before set? F-bombs or work clean? (Fuck it, f-bombs.)

Job: Health insurance claims executive

Sample Executive Decisions: Deny treatment coverage to cancer patient before or after lunch? Lexus or BMW?

Job: Porn star

Sample Executive Decisions: Black or red dildo? Dimpled or smooth?

Job: Sarah Palin

Sample Executive Decisions: Spout ignorance or nonsense? Trash Levi or “lamestream” media? Black or red dildo?

So, really, when you think of it, we’re all like the president!

10. Figured with Lady Gaga on cover of Rolling Stone, no one would even notice what he said on inside pages.

9. Sandbagged by weaselly media aide Duncan Boothby.

8. Was “taking a bullet” for Commander in Chief by creating new controversy that would make public forget about Gulf oil spill.

7. Anyone who thinks this is a big deal wants the terrorists to win.

6. Succumbed to reporter Michael Hastings’ “Chicago-style shakedown.”

5. Was fed his lines by former President Bush.

4. Saw opportunity to curry favor with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who he eventually hopes to shag. Is that so wrong?

3. Assumed that under modern journalism rules, everything was automatically off the record.

2. Did I mention that anyone who thinks this is a big deal wants the terrorists to win?

1. It was the booze talking.